MY PROFILE IS MESSED UP!
by The Cowardly Christian
Summary: now that I have your attention, here are some fan resources and challenges for the whole fanfiction community to enjoy


p style="text-align: center;"strongI own and regret nothing!/strong/p  
p style="text-align: center;" /p  
p style="text-align: center;"5 YEARS A SLAVE: CHALLENGE!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"take a favorite main character of yours from any type of fiction and have him taken from his home and have him sold into slavery!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"Go all out! Have her/him tortured, mutilated, crucified, beaten, experimented on...whatever cruelty you can imagine!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"I'd prefer you not do anything smutty...but if you want to go there fine...just keep it off-screen please?/p  
p style="text-align: center;"Also, she/he must be unable to escape for at least 5 years! And no one can rescue them! be it because of inter-dimensional travel, or mass mind-erasing./p  
p style="text-align: center;"I'd also like to see the song "MARKETPLACE" from Joseph king of dreams(because it's awesome!) but it's your story your choice./p  
p style="text-align: center;"To answer "Guests" review, of course Karmatic retribution is allowed! I'm sorry I didn't make that clear!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"GRIMM TALES challenge!: in the spirit of "American Mcgee's Grimm"(a game I strongly recommend you play)/p  
p style="text-align: center;"I propose this challenge!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"You have two choices: !/p  
p style="text-align: center;"Choice one: Fairy tale version: Have all the characters of your favorite (anime, cartoon, book, ETC.) get sucked into Grimm's fairy tale story book and have them forced against their will to replace classic fairy tale characters while grim mucks up everything!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"Choice two: Reality version: Unlike above, your favorite (anime, cartoon, book, Etc.) remain in their world, but grim dose his usual thing and makes their stories twisted, messed up, and putrid! ENJOY!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"YOUNG WENDY: challenge! Seriously, a young Wendy admits she thinks Dipper's cute and no one seems to be seizing that? This shall not stand! Go fanfiction writers! go! Go nuts!...As long as it's not smutty/p  
p style="text-align: center;"CODE: SWEAT challenge!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"Why aren't their more fanfictions about the code lyoko episode "Cold sweat"?/p  
p style="text-align: center;"Yumi sneaks into the boys locker room to humiliate the guys?/p  
p style="text-align: center;"How dose ulrich respond to yumi?/p  
p style="text-align: center;"Dose ulrich wail on odd?/p  
p style="text-align: center;"Dose anyone point out to yumi what she did to odd was worse than what he did to her, and that ulrich really didn't do anything wrong!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"Please refrain from anything smutty, try and keep it comedic and slapstick-ish, although you can make it dramatic if you want/p  
p style="text-align: center;"CODE: DELETE challenge!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"In the original french script of code lyoko/p  
p style="text-align: center;"there are some amazing deleted scenes./p  
p style="text-align: center;"Like odd kissing ulrich in yumi's body/p  
p style="text-align: center;"Odd accidentally exposing himself to sissie/p  
p style="text-align: center;"Odd accidentally groping sissie./p  
p style="text-align: center;"To get further details here's the site:/p  
p style="text-align: center;" .fr/scriptsvsepisodes/#top_10_of_the_most_incredible_changes/strong/p  
p style="text-align: center;"Enjoy!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"But also I'd like to point out all the other scenes of code lyoko that have serious AU potential but never seem to have any fanfictions./p  
p style="text-align: center;"Like: sissie running from her room in her starkers, yumi only wearing a towel as she runs to the door ulrich's at, ulrich locked outside in only a towel, milly running from the shower room in her starkers, ulrich meeting with emily in their robes, yumi and ulrich trapped together in the steam room, "the pool incident"./p  
p style="text-align: center;"SO MUCH TO EXPLOIT!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"But please don't do anything smutty, I'd prefer it comedic and slapstick-ish/p  
p style="text-align: center;"MOWGLI'S BAD DAY: challenge/p  
p style="text-align: center;"While bagheera is playing tug of war with Mowgli in the infamous "wedgie scene"/p  
p style="text-align: center;"he get's an idea: BLACKMAIL!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"IF Mowgli agrees to come to the man-village... he'll give back mowgli's loincloth!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"Please keep this comedic and slapstick-ish! strongNothing perverse and disgusting! /strong/p  
p style="text-align: center;"I'd also appreciate it if you some how roped Shanti into this somehow(to further humiliate Mowgli)/p  
p style="text-align: center;"Also doing something similar to Ranjan's "wedgie scene" would also be interesting./p  
p style="text-align: center;"DISTAFF-COUNTERS: challenge/p  
p style="text-align: center;"Have you noticed how guys in fiction tend to be humiliated more often than girls?/p  
p style="text-align: center;"Well, I'd like to try a strongSOCIOLOGICAL/strong experiment./p  
p style="text-align: center;"Take one boy character form your favorite anime, book, cartoon, etc./p  
p style="text-align: center;"And put him through a classic humiliation (clothes stolen, locked outside nude, accidentally going commando, etc) in your fic./p  
p style="text-align: center;"Then, have a girl character from the same series go through the exact same humiliation in a different story./p  
p style="text-align: center;"I'm genuinely curious what the response to this challenge might be./p  
p style="text-align: center;"REMEMBER! Nothing smutty! Just comedic!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"GRAVITY SWITCH: challenge/p  
p style="text-align: center;"dipper get's body switched with Wendy instead of Mabel./p  
p style="text-align: center;"Seriously, how is this not already a thing!?/p  
p style="text-align: center;"Please keep it comedic, nothing smutty!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"DIPPER V.S. JUNGLE GIRL: challenge/p  
p style="text-align: center;"Instead of the multi-bear dipper faces an amazonian Wendy!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"Nothing smutty, just comedic!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"TSUNDRE JUDGEMENT DAY: challenge/p  
p style="text-align: center;"I'm sick of guys being beaten and treated like 2nd class citizens in fiction just because their guys! Have reality ensue! Have the guys grow spines! Just stop the guy abuse! Viva revolution!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"POP-GOES-THE-ED: challenge/p  
p style="text-align: center;"Seriously I don't get why their isn't more fanfiction about that one ed, edd, eddy episode! go nuts people!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"Nothing smutty please! keep it comedic and slapstick-ish/p  
p style="text-align: center;"SANS-A-PELT: challenge/p  
p style="text-align: center;"Also, why aren't their any fanfictions on that angry beavers episode, have my story:CODE-SANS-A-PELT serve as an example!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"Remember nothing smutty! try to keep it comedic and slapstick-ish!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"FAN RESOURCE/p  
p style="text-align: center;"here are some locations, items, people, plot bunnies that I have no idea what to do with./p  
p style="text-align: center;"So if you want them you can have them!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"harry walks into borgin borks, he see's a skill book. excited, he grabs it and opens it. suddenly the familiar message music and screen pops up to give the following message./p  
p style="text-align: center;"CONGRAGULATIONS!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"YOU HAVE FOUND YOUR FIRST CURSED SKILL BOOK!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"CURSED SKILL BOOKS ARE LIKE REGULAR SKILL BOOKS, WITH THE DEBATABLY MINOR/p  
p style="text-align: center;"EXCEPTION THAT THE SKILL/PERK YOU ACQUIRE MAY NOT BE 100% BENEFICIAL OR EVEN/p  
p style="text-align: center;"1,0, or -5%!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"ALSO UNLIKE NORMAL SKILL/PERKS YOU HAVE NO SAY IN IT BEING APPLIED TO YOU! THE/p  
p style="text-align: center;"INSTANT YOU OPENED THIS BOOK IT WAS AUTOMATICALLY APPLIED TO YOUR BEING AND/p  
p style="text-align: center;"IS NOW PERMANENT SO NO PESKY FREE WILL TO GET IN THE WAY OF YOUR FUN-FILLED/p  
p style="text-align: center;"EXPLORATION!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"NOT TOO MENTION THE ADDED THRILL OF NO LONGER BEING SURE YOUR PRECIOUS/p  
p style="text-align: center;"SKILL BOOKS ARE SAFE AS THEY ARE COMPLETELY IDENTICAL TO THE UNTRAINED/p  
p style="text-align: center;"WIZARD./p  
p style="text-align: center;"well bugger me, said harry flatly as he scrolls over to see what the perk actually was and hopping that it wasn't as bad as it sounds./p  
p style="text-align: center;"-it was/p  
p style="text-align: center;"BALLS OF STEEL: GAIN ONE ABILITY POINT EVERY TIME A FEMALE KICKS YOU IN THE/p  
p style="text-align: center;"CROTCH!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"(NOTE: The kick also won't count unless you feel pain, so no padding for you Mr. CHEATER! on the plus side there is no limit to how many times you can be kicked, and with each kick girls around you will be increasingly addicted to destroy your MAN-MEAT!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"(FURTHER NOTE: you'll get more ability points with each blow depending on how creative the girl is smacking "it" around. Be it steel tipped boot, golf club, flaming hot scissors, stabbing you repeatedly with multiple rusty, twisted, razor-sharp syringes filled with caustic chemicals and then using a defibrillator to electrocute your area. Which thanks to the increase in sadistic tendencies this perk will cause shall become increasingly likely/p  
p style="text-align: center;"WE DO HOPE YOU ENJOY/p  
p style="text-align: center;"HAVE A FUN LIFE OF CELIBACY, CHOIR PRACTICE AND NO CHILDREN!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"Harry however wasn't listening, he was too busy curled in a fetal position, and crying for mercy/p  
p style="text-align: center;"MEANWHILE: they never understood why, but many girls felt the urge to bring knife's, cigerate lighters, steel boots, and in Hermonies grangers case a defibrillator to hogwarts/p  
p style="text-align: center;"DARWIN'S BIBLE: WHAT!? charles darwin had a bible?...and it appears to filled with chicken scratchings of anthropological theory, philosophical ramblings, theological insights, biological observations, and...A SPELL CRAFTING FORMULA-EQUATION!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"huh, It would appear that sometime in Darwins life he dabbled in magic, and successfully created an EVOLUTION SPELL!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"PRO: when equipped with this item you can evolve/devolve any person, corpse, spirit, animal mineral, or vegetable ONE BILLION years into the past/future/p  
p style="text-align: center;"CON: when used on anything small or simple you'll only be without magic for 24 hours, but if used on anything big or complex (like anything dead or inanimate) you'll be without magic for a WHOLE WEEK!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"THE BLACK CAULDRON: This monstrosity nearly allowed the horned king to conquer everything, maybe you'll have better luck!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"PRO: sacrifice any npc into it and you can resurrect any one person or creature (provided you have their corpse handy), you can also summon an army of skeletons to do your bidding/p  
p style="text-align: center;"CON: for every hour you command the skeletons you lose one heart of health, and if you die from this you'll come back with only half your constitution points./p  
p style="text-align: center;"TARZAN'S LOINCLOTH: pretty self-explanatory/p  
p style="text-align: center;"PRO: while equipped you are immune to all non-magic damage, and all magic damage is reduced by 50%. you gain initiative while fighting no matter the circumstances. you can use vines to travel instantaneously to anywhere you want. you understand all animal languages./p  
p style="text-align: center;"CON: it only works in forests/jungle's. It also has a 75% chance of a wardrobe malfunction. if lost in this way, you will be unable to access any clothes from your inventory, your stealth skills and perks will deactivate until you get back to your room. girls will also be inexplicably drawn to the areas where you will have to pass through./p  
p style="text-align: center;"GOBLET OF FIRE: HE WHO REACHES 100% MASTERY OF POTIONS, PLAYS A MINI-GAME THAT INVOLVES DECODING A CRYPTIC WHEEL USING LOGIC HINTS AND WORDPLAY, AND DRINKS WITH A HIGH ENOUGH CONSTITUTION SHALL GAIN IMMUNITY FROM ALL FIRE DAMAGE BE IT MUNDANE OR MAGIC./p  
p style="text-align: center;"PRO: FIRE IMMUNITY/p  
p style="text-align: center;"CON: WATER DAMAGE INCREASE BY 25%, AND ALL SWIMMING SKILL POINTS ARE NOW HALVED/p  
p style="text-align: center;"NEPTUNE'S TRIDENT: THIS LEGENDARY ITEM WAS BROKEN INTO SEVEN PIECES AND GIVEN TO THE SEVEN MERMAID TRIBES (SOME ARE PRETTY, SOME AREN'T) AFTER NEPTUNE'S DEATH. YOU MUST EITHER EARN THEIR TRUST AND SUPPORT TO GAIN THEM, OR STEAL THEM AND EARN THEIR WRATH, BAD KARMA, AND WORSE YOU'LL HAVE TO DO A TEDIOUS BORING MINI-GAME TO FIX IT./p  
p style="text-align: center;"PRO: IMMUNE TO ALL WATER DAMAGE, SWIMMING MASTERY, BREATHE LIKE A FISH, TALK TO ALL WHO LIVE IN THE WATER./p  
p style="text-align: center;"CON: FIRE DAMAGE INCREASES BY 25%, ANYTHING INVOLVING FIRE: COOKING, POTIONS, DUELS, ETC. HAS A 10% LIKELIHOOD OF BACKFIRING./p  
p style="text-align: center;"BAG OF WINDS: This is the mother of all bucking bronchos, you must ride this bag for 24 hours without falling off or dying to master it./p  
p style="text-align: center;"PRO: master wandless flying, broom and carpet mastery, talk to all flying things, immunity to all wind damage./p  
p style="text-align: center;"CON: earth damage increase by 25%, you are now 10% more likely to have a random encounter with quicksand./p  
p style="text-align: center;"CORNUCOPIA: This can only be grown from a rare seed and by a master herbologist. and used by fertilizer composed from a thousand of the finest corpses in the land./p  
p style="text-align: center;"PRO: any seed you put inside will immediately grow to maturity and multiply a thousand fold, it also will give you immunity to all earth damage/p  
p style="text-align: center;"CON: wind damage increases by 25%, the weather is now 10% more likely to work against you/p  
p style="text-align: center;"P.S. only one of the last four can be equipped at once so choose wisely!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"I'd like to make a recommendation to complete your pirate/ninja/?, rock/paper/scissors...thing/p  
p style="text-align: center;"ninja kills pirate with sneak attack while pirate is busy loading cannon/p  
p style="text-align: center;"COWBOY kills ninja with gun (INDIANA JONES STYLE!)/p  
p style="text-align: center;"And cowboy is killed by cannon ball shot by pirate from the safety of his ship/p  
p style="text-align: center;"While I have your attention I'd also recommend GRIZZLY BEAR/SHYSTER/SAMURAI/p  
p style="text-align: center;"hear me out/p  
p style="text-align: center;"first shyster takes advantage of samurai's of samurai's "honor before reason" by offering him/p  
p style="text-align: center;"poisoned sokka (Japanese beer) before they fight./p  
p style="text-align: center;"shyster is ripped apart by grizzly bear too stupid to be tricked/p  
p style="text-align: center;"samurai uses bear's rage against it to make it run off cliff (MATADOR STYLE!)/p  
p style="text-align: center;"QUEST: EMANCIPATION COMPLICATION/p  
p style="text-align: center;"CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE DISCOVERED GRINGOTS BANK! BUT WHAT"S THIS! YOUR ONLY ALLOWED ACCESS TO A SMALL PERCENTAGE OF YOUR MASSIVE VAULT PER MONTH!? OUTRAGEOUS!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"IT WOULD SEEM THAT ACCORDING TO WIZARD WORLD LAW THAT MINOR ORPHANS AREN"T ALLOWED FULL ACCESS UNTIL THEY ARE LEGALLY FULL ADULTS!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"HOWEVER, ALL IS NOT LOST FOR IN ACCORDANCE WITH GOBLIN HEGEMONY/ MINISTRY OF MAGIC TREATY CLAUSE C, SECTION K, SUBSECTION O, INIGMENT I, PARAGRAPH 12, SUB-PARAGRAPH #$*! CLEARLY STATES THAT THE GRINGOTS BOARD OF DIRECTORS HAVE THE POWER TO OVERTURN THIS LAW AND DECLARE YOU AN EMANCIPATED MINOR WITH FULL ACCESS TO THE VAULT!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"BUT BE WARNED! THIS CAN ONLY WORK IF ALL 5 BOARD MEMBERS AGREE UNANIMOUSLY!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"SO NOW YOU MUST TRAVEL TO THE BOWELS OF GRINGOTS AND BE THE BEST DANG SYCOPHANT THAT WAS EVER SPAWNED. SO PUCKER UP! GOBLIN BOOTIES ARE NOTORIOUSLY HARD!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"REWARD: EMANCIPATION: FREEDOM FROM ALL UNDERAGE RESTRICTIONS! STATUS WILL RISE IN MINISTRY, WIZARDING WORLD, AND GOBLIN WORLD. FULL ACCESS TO POTTER VAULT 1,000,000 gold coins(plus 10% monthly interest gain)! SPOT ON THE WIZINGMONT. LORDSHIP GRANTED. 1,/p  
p style="text-align: center;"SUB-QUEST(1) LUCK OF THE IRISH!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"BOARD MEMBER WORRYWARTUS ESQUIRE. OF THE MCDOUGAL CLAN IS IN A PICKLE, A VERY INFLUENTIAL LEPRECHAUN MONEY-BROKER HAS JUST BROKERED A HUGE DEAL WITH HIM THAT WILL SEE GRINGOTTS GET FIFTY TONS OF SOLID GOLD. HOWEVER, WORRYWARTUSE'S LONG TIME RIVAL BRUTUS DE COUP INSISTS THAT THE GOLD IS FAKE AND WILL REPORT THIS INFRACTION AT THE NEXT CLAN MEETING. ESQUIRE HAS USED EVERY MUNDANE AND MAGICAL TRICK HE KNOWS, BUT EVERYTHING INDICATES THAT THE GOLD IS REAL. SO NOW THE DILEMMA, IS BRUTUS LYING OR TRUTHING? IF TRUTH, AND BRUTUS BEATS HIM TO THE PUNCH HE WILL LOSE HIS JOB TO HIM, BUT IF A LIE AND HE CONFRONTS THE CLAN WITH THIS IT WOULD RUIN THIS AND FUTURE DEALS WITH THE LEPRECHAUNS FOR NO REASON AND SEE HIM DISGRACED ANYWAY. IF YOU HELP HIM, HE WILL AGREE TO VOTE FOR YOUR CAUSE/p  
p style="text-align: center;"P.S. WATCH CSI NEW YORK SEASON 6 EPISODE "POT OF GOLD" TO FIGURE THIS OUT(IT INVOLVES TUNGSTEN)/p  
p style="text-align: center;"SUB-QUEST(2) CAPPY THE IDIOT GOBLIN/p  
p style="text-align: center;"BOARD MEMBER CAPPY MAXIMILIEN OF THE TGIF CLAN, IS IN TEARS! APPARENTLY HE HAS TRAPPED HIMSELF IN A DRUNKEN WAGER THAT WILL LEAVE HIM PENNILESS IF BACKED OUT! HE IS REQUIRED TO GO KISS ON THE LIPS THE quote "MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL HE KNOWS" unquote WHICH OF COURSE IS THE GOBLIN WENCH MORGA "the well endowed"...Unfortunately she's married...to BRUISER "the humorless arm-ripper of any guy who even looks at his wife" However...goblin law can allow you to proxy for him in exchange for voting for your cause. Unfortunately after you agree it is only then revealed that you have to kiss her NUDE...and that due to wording of the contract you must kiss who "YOU" believe is the prettiest girl, you are then apperated out of your clothes to hermonies, luna's, or fleurs house(Or whoever's more convenient to your story) before you can protest. you have 15 minutes to do this before being apperated back and failing./p  
p style="text-align: center;"SUB-QUEST(3): THE DEADLIEST GAME/p  
p style="text-align: center;"LORD BOB OF CLAN 006 WILL ONLY VOTE FOR YOU IF YOU PLAY HIS GAME. AFTER AGREEING YOU FIND YOURSELF DRUGGED, STRIPPED DOWN TO NOTHING(inventory has somehow been locked), AND FORCED TO SURVIVE FOR 24 HOURS IN A PRIVATE JUNGLE while being hunted./p  
p style="text-align: center;"IF You just survive You'll only earn , 100 gold coins, and bob's /IF you survive and kill bob You'll earn CLAN 006's loyalty(summoning them in times of trouble), standing in goblin world will go up, you win bob's mystic sniper rifle, 500 gold coins, and 1200 xp./p  
p style="text-align: center;"SUB-QUEST(4): THE BOY THAT'S BEEN REFORGED!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"CLAN-MASTER BOA OF CLAN CHUDD REFUSES TO HELP ANYONE WHO ISN'T A MASTER-CRAFTER of weapons. Build him a weapon, using his forge. He allows you as many tries as possible so he can mock you (and that's where our good friend skill grinder comes in)./p  
p style="text-align: center;"Build and present just an adequate weapon(adequate by goblin standereds, actually master craftsman by human standereds), and you'll only receive BOA's vote and his /harry then get's mad, reloads the game and makes a weapon so great you recieve: Clan chudds loyalty(can now summon them in a crisis) 500 gold coins, 1200xp., standing in goblin world rises. Unfortunately, they won't let you keep the super weapons...but you can keep your "rejects" hint! hint! cough! reload game cough! a dozen "reject" super-weapons wink! wink! nudge! nudge!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"SUB_QUEST(5): an affair to remember/p  
p style="text-align: center;"MISTRESS CHING of the jade clan wants to divorce her husband and keep all his money. but goblin law will only allow this if he's caught cheating. You are charged with framing him in exchange for her vote./p  
p style="text-align: center;"Have you ever thought about the dwarves in book 2 that lockhart hired to play cupid?br /I'm a huge fan of "lord of the rings" so I really would like to see something done about thatbr /whether you explore this facet of harry potter during book 2 or before it is up to /look long story short here's my idea for a quest/p  
p style="text-align: center;"QUEST: THE-BOY-WHO-WOULD-BE-DWARF!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"the dwarf people need your help! the last pirate/ninja/dwarf war left the once mighty dwarven race a bunch of destitute wandering vagabonds, only you can restore them to their former glory!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"OBJECTIVES: Find 0/10 lost tomes of dwarven knowledge: the secret magics, sciences, and arts of dwarf kind have been lost! find them to restore their culture!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"REWARD: gain reputation amongst dwarves, learn dwarf magic, learn dwarf metal-work, learn dwarf combat, learn dwarf language, gain 5 wisdom for each tome found gain 1 perk point for every 5 tomes found, earn 300xp for every tome/p  
p style="text-align: center;"OBJECTIVES: Find 0/10 lost dwarven cities and free them from the demons that now inhabit them (in other words 10 bossfights)/p  
p style="text-align: center;"REWARD: gain dwarven reputation, earn 1,000,000 gold coins for each city reclaimed, gain 500xp for every demon boss slain(plus loot robbed from body), gain 5 strength for every boss beaten, gain perk CLUB MECH: max out sentient mystic construct mechanic stats when all 10 are found/p  
p style="text-align: center;"OBJECTIVES: find dwarf king crown, restore crown to former glory, find long lost heir to the throne, save heir from dying, convince ungrateful jerk to become king/p  
p style="text-align: center;"REWARD: gain dwarf reputation, gain dwarf king as ally, gain 20 charisma, gain 1000xp./p  
p style="text-align: center;"CHUD: A mutant from the sewers, this cannibal mercenary can travel 150 miles underground can hear anything that moves a mile-radius, and has teeth that can rip through a human femur in 5 seconds./p  
p style="text-align: center;"SENSE TAKER: this cult obsessed ex-priest can shut down any 2 of your five senses at one time./p  
p style="text-align: center;"TICK and TOCK (AKA: the clockwork killers): these twin android mercenary's are as synchronized as they are homicidal/p  
p style="text-align: center;"FRED BONAPARTE: this ex-asylum inmate believes himself to be Napoleon reincarnated, he is infamous for wiping out 50 delta force squads with nothing but a stick and a sneer and his arms tied up in his straightjacket(which he still wears)/p  
p style="text-align: center;"PYTHOR: this naga beast has somehow mastered life and death, he can kill or resurrect you with but a prick of his bite/p  
p style="text-align: center;"TOADY: this overgrown toad can ooze a form of slim that hardens into a strong armor(that is acidic to the touch/p  
p style="text-align: center;"RINZIN: this woman is quadruple jointed, can dislocate any bones in her body, and is the worlds greatest escape artist/acrobat/knife juggler and her infamous "dance of the scorpions" maneuver will leave you hypnotized by it's splendor...if you don't die a "death of a thousand cuts" first/p  
p style="text-align: center;"SNAKE WEED: This nasty piece of work has somehow grown a colony of mutant centipedes inside his own body. giving him the power to literally kill a grown man 20 times before he hits the ground with his "fist of a thousand pincers" technique/p  
p style="text-align: center;"JACKFROST: a serial killer turned lab experiment, this monster can shift between the 3 phases of matter, his favorite form is a jolly snowman with razor-sharp icicle teeth that can rip you to shreds/p  
p style="text-align: center;"SATCH-GHOST: this Sasquatch has serious identity issues! using money from his bounties to buy anti-schizophrenia pills. He believes himself to be a ghost!(he's not, to be clear)even going as far as wearing a white tablecloth with eye holes cut in. he has super strength and the powers of a real ghost that he stole from an actual ghost!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"BLINDEYE: the worlds greatest sniper. infamous for shooting a Nigerian prince in Nigeria...while on top of Mt. Everest...did I mention he's blind?/p  
p style="text-align: center;"LORD ZOD: The of reverse-vampire sub-species, he gains immortality, invincibility, super strength, super speed when under the earths sun. even at night his his triple black-belt is nothing to scoff at!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"BACTERIA: a germaphobic, morbidly obese,ill-tempered dwarf with a superiority complex. ordinarily, he'd be no threat...except for his power to multiply! here, listen to his battle /bacteria! we begin with only one! Bacteria! two is what we then become!br /Bacteria! each of us become two more! Bacteria! We stronger then before!br /Bacteria! we keep growing at this rate! Bacteria! no longer shall we wait!br /Bacteria! the plan now unfolds! Bacteria! we will take over the world!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"THE FACELESS ONE's: this race of giant floating heads, are very religious about their faces, if any outsider (human, animal, mermaid, other faceless one's in more extreme cases, etc) even peak at their face. they will kill you, just by thinking about it./p  
p style="text-align: center;"THE OVERKILLS: basically think of giant bee's with giant organic drills for pincers and organic rotating chainsaw blades all over their body and that's it./p  
p style="text-align: center;"SPIDER-ANTS: a race of giant fire ant/tarantula hybrids. all of their strengths none of their weaknesses/p  
p style="text-align: center;"SILENCERS: a bunch of winged flying eyeballs that hate all forms of noise, if you see one don't make a sound, don't even breath or they will reverse your gravity and send you into orbit./p  
p style="text-align: center;"BOUNCERS: Think giant morbidly obese rubber balls with stubby arms and legs a child-like face, that love to bounce around and crush people and things to death./p  
p style="text-align: center;"LEGION, somehow, a swarm of ticks became super-smart and merged to form a giant man eating shark that can fly!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"GETHER GATOR's: these giant cheetah-fast gators have somehow adapted a way to produce and vomit a deluge of giant man-eating leeches on an enemy/p  
p style="text-align: center;"SMOKERS: These mischievous monkey-like creatures can spew deadly amounts of smoke at you./p  
p style="text-align: center;"KILLAPEDES: these giant centipedes will jump at you from the trees, crush all your bones while they coil around you, and gouge huge pieces of flesh from you from all their thousands of pincers from you/p  
p style="text-align: center;"ROSWELL GREYS: if you see them in the wild. DO NOT APPROACH! not because of them being dangerous mind you, but because you'll enrage what's chasing them...(read below)/p  
p style="text-align: center;"ROSWELL BLACKS: from a more twisted branch of the Roswell grey family tree. these extraterrestrials long ago enslaved their peaceful gray cousins, and now hunt them for sport on lesser developed worlds. They consider humans beneath their notice, so they they more or less ignore them. but if one interferes with their hunt (like heal a badly beaten grey) they will beat them, strip them, dump them in a deep part of the woods, and give them a five minute head start. If you escape capture for 24 hours you'll be let go, if not they'll enslave you, torture/experiment on you until you die, reanimate you painfully, chop you up either as a trophy or stew, reanimate you painfully again, and repeat for all eternity./p  
p style="text-align: center;"MIMICANA's: these things can morph their appearance into anything, be it pretty tree, car, wooden shack, treasure chest. they then wait for someone to come near enough to strike and consume./p  
p style="text-align: center;"CROOKED ONE's:the result of an occult experiment gone horribly wrong these semi-hanged, mangled bodied, zombie-like,semi-mystical, homicidal maniacs can smell happiness from anywhere. they will then make the happy person as miserable as possible/p  
p style="text-align: center;"CONSTRUCTS: built by a race of people that have long been wiped out and forgotten. these strange mechanized golems continue to try to complete their no longer relevant, pre-programed tasks (like trying to deliver a 1,000 year old package to a place that no longer exists, or try to place now rotted instruments on a shelf that has long crumbled to dust). To be clear these guys are not dangerous...as long as you don't attack them or interfere with their tasks. Their powers: they can nullify all forms of magic, can crush diamonds with their bare hands, and can immediately upgrade themselves to handle any situation./p  
p style="text-align: center;"THE BEHEMOTH: not much is known about this gigantic abomination, except that it looks like a deranged artist poor attempt at creating a giant human by melting thousand of humans together (while they were still alive) to build it. It will eat anyone and anything in it's path until it pukes and then keep eating. and appears invincible to all forms of damage./p  
p style="text-align: center;"Isabella: wow those are some amazing fish!br /Local Deacon: why thank you god already mad them beautiful of course, but we gave them a little help through "natural selection."br /Isabella: so what your saying is that NATURAL SELECTION was the ORIGIN of the species? said Isabella with sly mirthbr /Deacon: why yes I- Oh, ho! you little scamp! you almost got me!br /fish then crawls out of tank on legs and takes a deep breath of /Deacon: (sigh) well that's what I get for going cheap, and leaving all the work to some creepy armenian dude who lives with his mom./p  
p style="text-align: center;"THE MAD-EYE DESERT: against all laws of meteorology there is giant stationary hole in the ozone layer over this place that makes this place so hot that even Lava drys out here./p  
p style="text-align: center;"THE CRAZIES BLIZZARD COVE: This area is so cold that it somehow is even below absolute zero./p  
p style="text-align: center;"THE DEVIL'S SCUM CONE: against all laws of physics there is a stationary category 6 tornado that's been blowing non-stop for 50 years/p  
p style="text-align: center;"BEELZEBUB'S BREATH CREEK: this swamp is forever filled with acid mist, the water is nothing but toxic waste, and nothing grows there except rash weed, sting grass, and shock shrubs/p  
p style="text-align: center;"THE PERPETUAL RUINS OF RSHTGDJDTHRHSHHAGSHJSTHSHAEETJYKUIOPYSDFG!: these ancient ruins are so unstable, that even a fly could knock a column down. Yet at the end of every day the ruins somehow restores it's self back to a semi-dilapidated state/p  
p style="text-align: center;"Christmas past: when cody's company went under, a lot of people got fired...including a technical supervisor with a large family he can no longer support. Ashamed, he hangs himself. Candace must convince him to not hang himself!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"Christmas present: this morning Candace took the last muffin before her father could get it. because she did that, her father got hungry on the way to work and stopped at a gas station. Because he did that, he took up the last parking space. because he did that, a guy who was in a hurry to go to the bathroom couldn't park. because he couldn't park, he hurries to the next gas station. Because he's in such a hurry, he skids on the ice and crashes. Which puts him in critical condition. Without her healing powers, Candace has to save this man./p  
p style="text-align: center;"Christmas future: sometime in the not-too-distant-future Candace apparently dared the boys to do something foolish which ends with them stranded and unconscious on an iceberg and about to drown. Without her powers Candace must save them!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"Christmas past: when cody's company went under, a lot of people got fired...including a technical supervisor with a large family he can no longer support. Ashamed, he hangs himself. Candace must convince him to not hang himself!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"Christmas present: this morning Candace took the last muffin before her father could get it. because she did that, her father got hungry on the way to work and stopped at a gas station. Because he did that, he took up the last parking space. because he did that, a guy who was in a hurry to go to the bathroom couldn't park. because he couldn't park, he hurries to the next gas station. Because he's in such a hurry, he skids on the ice and crashes. Which puts him in critical condition. Without her healing powers, Candace has to save this man./p  
p style="text-align: center;"Christmas future: sometime in the not-too-distant-future Candace apparently dared the boys to do something foolish which ends with them stranded and unconscious on an iceberg and about to drown. Without her powers Candace must save them!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"Candace finds an old bottle and accidentally releases the three spirits of Christmas. They make a deal with Candace. They will search through her timeline. Any Christmas's she's ruined she'll be allowed to fix (with the understanding that during this whole thing her magic is shut down), if she succeeds they'll increase her water power to include ice and snow. feeling cocky and confident that they'll find nothing and give the power to her for free. she accepts the terms...only to her horror realize they've already found three./p  
p style="text-align: center;"Side effects: obsessive-compulsive addiction, narcissism, mild-socipathy, megalomania, hallucinations, headaches, and vegetative coma's/p  
p style="text-align: center;"Payment: first time's free, second is sharing what your given to your friends, all times after that is a goblet of your blood, or the fresh corpse of a murdered younger sibling(proper murder mind you, none of this stabbed in the back nonsense. he likes them brutalized, messy, and the shock of betrayal still etched on their face)./p  
p style="text-align: center;"Dealer: Mr. Red Rum/p  
p style="text-align: center;"KRAMPUS: Well, that was a fun adventure, but I must be off! I have centuries of work to catch up on! It's gonna be tight!br /Candace: you go Krampus!br /KRAMPUS: Yes, Off I go to brutally assault every bully that beats the weak and every spoiled brat with too much self-entitlement! It's gonna be whacked to the Fashile, yo!br /Phineas:yeah...still horrified by /Krampus: (Krampus give out a jolly laugh)That's cool, it's a free country and your entitled to your own opinions. Keep being you Phineas!peace!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"something has gotten into dipperbr /he keeps it caged but he can't control /he feels the rage but he just can't hold /it's making him scratch on the walls, in the closet in the /sometimes it hides under the bed or in his body and his /he feels it deep within, it's just beneath his skinbr /if he let's it out, it'll make him tear his love one's up or bring them /It's hiding in his dark, it's teeth are razor sharp, it want's dippers soul and his heart/p  
p style="text-align: center;"Where once was Candace, there was now just the staff and a pile of Candace's clothes./p  
p style="text-align: center;"W-what happened to Candace!? said Phineas in a panic/p  
p style="text-align: center;"H-hold on, l-let me check! shouted dipper as he frantically flipped through the pages./p  
p style="text-align: center;"Hey! who turned out the lights?! what's going on here!? shouted candace's voice./p  
p style="text-align: center;"everyone looked around frantically. Candace where are you!?/p  
p style="text-align: center;"I'm right here! said the voice again as an orange serpent slithered out of the pile./p  
p style="text-align: center;"everyone just stared at it./p  
p style="text-align: center;"what? why are you all looking at me like that? said the serpent./p  
p style="text-align: center;"nothing, said Phineas quickly. Uh, don't look in mirror! said Mabel frantically./p  
p style="text-align: center;"Why? said Candace as she looks into the mirror and screams./p  
p style="text-align: center;"I told you not to look in mirror said a saddened Mabel./p  
p style="text-align: center;"okay, I think I got it! said as he read out a passage./p  
p style="text-align: center;"Wield the staff with love in thy heart for the snakes and though shalt win every /But wield it whilst filled with hate, and though shall become what though hate this fortnight. Only when though has slithered in the skins of thy fellow creature and know there anguish can though set things right./p  
p style="text-align: center;"what dose that even mean!? shouted an irate candace./p  
p style="text-align: center;"Thug leader: oh, yeah? well what's in it for us?br /Pan: why I hadn't thought of that(whisks thug high into air and drops him) let's discuss /Thug leader: (screams as he plummets to his death)br /Pan: (casually hovering next to him) Now I see your point, but what could I possibly do for you in return?br /Thug leader: save me! Save me!br /Pan: well there's a thought, yeah. but is it enough? I don't want to feel like I'm cheating /Thug leader: alright, well do it! just save me!br /Pan: (snatches thug just before he hits ground) Alright, you've twisted my arm. /pan: any other questions?br /Group of thugs: (quickly runs away to do pans /K: what do you think of my new outfit?br /Mills: YOU HAVE TO HAVE BEEN THE STUPIDEST MAN ON THE PLANET TO HAVE THOUGHT THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA! LOOK AT YOU! YOU LOOK LIKE A SEQUENT TRAIN WRECK! THIS TRULY IS THE FECES THAT SHAME PRODUCES WHEN IT EATS TOO MUCH STUPIDITY! YOU MAKE ME ENVY THE DEAF AND THE BLIND!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"I FEAR DEATH!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"That's why I believe in god, because I'm scared of what come's after death./p  
p style="text-align: center;"I'm scared of being tortured in hell for eternity./p  
p style="text-align: center;"Yes, pascals wager is more or less my only reason for belief./p  
p style="text-align: center;"Which is why I do not belief myself a true christian./p  
p style="text-align: center;"The true Christians(I feel) are the one's who preach the gospel at the cost of their own lives./p  
p style="text-align: center;"I'll never do that, I'm a coward./p  
p style="text-align: center;"Also on top of that, the idea of a universe with no god just fills me with despair./p  
p style="text-align: center;"Were just insignificant specks?/p  
p style="text-align: center;"In a giant cold uncaring universe?/p  
p style="text-align: center;"Why get out of bed?/p  
p style="text-align: center;"Seriously, I consider the most courageous, most optimistic, most wise of people to be atheists./p  
p style="text-align: center;"They have this mindset of "all life is meaningless."/p  
p style="text-align: center;"And still they find the strength to live their lives!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"I wish I was that confident./p  
p style="text-align: center;"More power to you guys!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"Finally, I just want you guys to know I hate intolerance./p  
p style="text-align: center;"I don't care for it, it makes me uncomfortable./p  
p style="text-align: center;"Frankly, I'd rather give everyone a hug!(a sentiment that has made many people uncomfortable, but what can you do?)/p  
p style="text-align: center;"That being said, I have no idea what to do with homosexuals./p  
p style="text-align: center;"I have nothing against them(mild awkwardness non-withstanding), I'd be up for trying to strike a friendship with them./p  
p style="text-align: center;"And yet my religion is against it./p  
p style="text-align: center;"Let me be clear, My christian family(both literal and metaphorical) and my pastor have made it clear that there is nothing stopping a christian making friends with a homosexual./p  
p style="text-align: center;"Anyone who says otherwise isn't a true christian and should be ignored(not hurt though, please don't hurt us)./p  
p style="text-align: center;"Knowing me though, I'd probably screw it up./p  
p style="text-align: center;"So I apologize in advance to all gays for being a horrible person./p  
p style="text-align: center;"Okay, now you can bring on the flames./p  
p style="text-align: center;"Know that I regret nothing./p  
p style="text-align: center;"Sincerely, du911, AKA d-u, AKA the cowardly christian./p  
p style="text-align: center;"AHMEN/p  
p style="text-align: center;".../p  
p style="text-align: center;"strongA copy of My profile in just in case/strong/p  
p style="text-align: center;"strongDon't forget to give a shout-out on my mom's birthday story!/strong/p 


End file.
